I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize