absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
