Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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