RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
