guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
That accounts for only three of the penises
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
