If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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