i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Dignity is for republicans.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
