How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Boobs speak an international language.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
