I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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