Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
