I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
