I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
