mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I cut my penus on the lid.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
