I can tuck mytits in my pants
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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