That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
