Well douche your snatch and let's go!
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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