I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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