Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
