She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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