i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
