Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
