Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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