is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
