don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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