just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
