bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
