if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
