I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I looked at my own cervix.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
