We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
