My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
