Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
