so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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