im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
