honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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