Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
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