im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
