I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
