WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
40s are totally the cure
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
