You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
