i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
