I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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