I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
