Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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