Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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