i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
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