The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I think people are normalizing furries
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
