if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
did you just send me my own nude
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
