ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
