My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
