i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just want nice things and good sex
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
