Nicole vs. Life
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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