what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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