i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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